Kate plus Liza equals Disater For Ouran
by ihategoodbyes
Summary: This is the story of two American students entering Ouran, and the havoc they wreck! R&R please!
1. Bombshells For Everyone

_**Kate + Liza = Disaster For Ouran-Chapter 1-Bombshells for everyone **_

_**Set after Season 1 Episode 2 **_

_**Legend**_

"Japanese"

"_English"_

'Thoughts'

*other random gestures, NOT spoken*

**Kate's POV**

Hello there, my name is Kate. I am an American citizen, and my parents are workaholics. They work at an international computer company and we live in Texas- not exactly the most computer-friendly location. My sister, Liza, and I have always told them that if we needed to move again, then we would go happily. So when they said we were moving to Japan, we weren't exactly surprised- more like annoyed. Liza was fluent in English, Spanish and German, and I was teaching her ASL. I myself HATE foreign languages. As a dyslexic, we don't mix well. However I read lips and do Sign Language. I tried Spanish and let's put it like this: I now have a burning hate for conjugated verbs.  
Anyway, it wasn't packing up and moving in under 2 weeks that bothered me. It was the four bombshells dropped on us by our loving and apparently secretive parents shortly after arrival in Japan.

1-They were going on their honeymoon, back in 4 months, maybe, 2-We have millions and are royalty, 3-As such we will be living in the family mansion and be responsible for hiring maids and butlers and other necessary staff, 4-We will be attending a private academy- some place called Oron, or something like that.  
After watching our parents board a plane to France, we were driven to our estate.  
"_Okay, I must honestly say that I think I'm dreaming_," I said sarcastically. My sister was examining the 'grand foyer' as proclaimed by one of the three maids who already worked for the family.

Liza turned around and signed at me, "If you're dreaming, our consciousnesses decided to link us together. And besides, apart from the new language and private academy, it's really not that different from being at home. Big house, no parental units, crap to do, and for you- constant pain." I smiled for the first time since I 'overheard' the fact that we were moving.

"When you put it like that, nothing really has changed," I signed back. Then out loud- "Mother said the school was sending over some students to do paperwork. So I'm going to go make lunch- they should be here in an hour or so. If you run, I'll do the paperwork for you." With that, my older sister was gone.  
PAGE BREAK/ IN THE HOST CLUB  
Kyoya stood up as the last client left the room. "Now I realize, normally we would all go home now, but the headmaster has asked us to greet two new students. They start school Monday, and as they are from the US, he thinks meeting some local students beforehand would be good for them. Also, he said he has been friends with the girls' father since they were children, so we are to be nice. *glasses glint, evil indifferent look* In addition, their family is the owner of the largest computer company in the world- as such, they have a lot of influence in the business world."

"Kyoya-senpai, what do you know about the girls we are going to meet?" Haruhi asked.

"Not much. The eldest goes by Liza and is in the top of her class, pretty popular too. The younger girl's data is strange; she had glowing reports from all her teachers, but her grades and low attendance seem rather odd. Both girls are known to read a lot. They are 1st and 3rd year students. That's all the information I was able to gather during club activities."

Hikaru was the first to recover from the overload of information provided from twenty minutes' research. "Kyoya, where are we meeting them?"

"At their estate in 25 minutes," he announced with little emotion.  
**PAGE BREAK**  
Tamaki was taking the event in stride. He happily rang the doorbell, before turning to us and admonishing, "Now men- and Haruhi- as none of us have ever met an American, we should ignore the stereotypes we heard growing up. I'm sure they look and act completely normal." Haruhi slapped her forehead and moaned as the rest looked on with slight suspicion.

A maid opened the door and said, "Ah, welcome! You all must be from Ouran. Please come in; I will take you to Mistresses Kate and Liza." The host club followed her silently, glancing around appraisingly. The mansion was just as lavish as any of the boys', in fact (though they'd die before admitting it) maybe more so. Soon the maid stopped in front in front of the closed kitchen door. "The boys from your new school are here," she called out- and promptly beat a hasty retreat. They exchanged skeptical looks, raised eyebrows included. "Is there something we should know?" Kaoru wondered, voicing what they were all thinking. Tamaki strode to the front of the group, casually throwing open the doors. "I'm sure it'll be fine, men- what in the world?"

_**Author's Note-**_ Hello there my loyal followers, this is my first partnered story say hi to the peoples, Sibling.

**Liza:** Say hi to the peoples, - Hey! What did you call me? Your loving **older** sister, relegated to the drab title of Sibling? *goes and pouts in THE corner* Oh hey Kairi what are you doing here?

**Kate**:*coughs awkwardly* Right then moving on. This is what we would do if we had to attend Ouran Academy, and the ways we would torture the 'poor' boys. *EVIL smirk*

**Entire Host Club**: Hey! We are not poor!

**Hikaru and Kaoru**: Well, except for Haruhi. *three simultaneous slaps*

**Announcer**: Next time on Kate + Liza =Disaster For Ouran….*leaped on by Kate and Liza, duct taped and thrown in a corner*

**Kate and Liza**:*simultaneously* No spoilers this time!


	2. American Eating Habits

_**Kate + Liza = Disaster For Ouran-Chapter 2-American Eating Habits**_

_**Legend**_

"Japanese"

"_English"_

'Thoughts'

*other random gestures, NOT spoken*

**Liza's POV**

Well, there we were. In Japan. Literally halfway around the world from where I'd grown up. And way worse than that, was the fact that we had become crazy rich and apparently royalty overnight. This was sure to do nothing good to my parents' egos.

I stood in the entrance to the entryway (yes, that's how big this freaking place was) of our new house. I refused to call this place home. But I could cope- had been coping for years. Then the maids came running up. "Oh, mistresses! Can we make you some lunch?"

I rubbed my head. I'd only been learning Japanese for two weeks, after all. I'd studied hard and understood and spoke it pretty well, but it gave me a headache. While I was thinking, Kate was yelling at the maids. I caught something about dire consequences if she was called mistress one more time. This would probably involve a butter knife- or, god forbid, one of her unbound college dictionaries.

"_Kate, stop terrorizing the maids. It's not their fault."_

"_But it's fun! And besides, I want to make my own lunch."_

I half-snorted, half-sighed and gave in. _"Let's see what we can do."_

-One hour later-

I looked up as the door swung open, revealing the shocked faces of seven guys staring at my sis and I. I looked at her to see why they were staring. She was just sitting on the counter, squeezing ketchup on a hot dog, wearing a black tank top and long skirt with leggings (black, of course) while seated in a lotus position. Then I looked at me. T-shirt emblazoned with the slogan _"I'll form a League of Procrastinators- tomorrow"_, capris, barefoot, hair pulled back in a sloppy ponytail, eating peanut butter with a spoon out of the jar while also sitting on the counter (no lotus for me, though- I was dangling my legs off the edge).

Kate looked up. _"Sup?"_ she greeted, as if we were still at home. I observed their jaws dropping even further and sighed. The short brunette gave a timid wave before the rest yanked him outside and the door slammed. We could hear furious voices. They were being quiet, but my sister and I have very good hearing. We looked at each other, smirked, and openly eavesdropped.

"Wha- what were they doing on the counter?"

"Why did they have no shoes on?" Two voices that sounded almost identical spoke in unison.

"Was that one girl eating something off a spoon- from a jar?"

"I wonder what American cake is like…"

"Never mind that! What was that bottle squirting red liquid that looked suspiciously like blood?"

"Calm down, men! I'm sure there's a rational explanation- for the counter… and the shoes…and the blood!...We're all gonna die!"

An exasperated sigh. "Don't you guys know anything? Honestly, rich people. That was ketchup!"

The two voices spoke again. "What is ketchup?" "Would we like it?"

"Ketchup- ketchup is… Oh, get out of the way!"

"Does that mean that it is blood, Takashi? I'm scared," a young voice quavered as the door swung open again.

The same brunette that had waved stood there angrily. Kate eyed the group, huddled behind the brunette for safety, and turned to me. "I don't think we made a good first impression," she signed.

I nodded resignedly. The tall dark one with glasses watched her sign interestedly, then turned to her and said, "That was American Sign Language, was it not?"

"Ooh! Look! A smart person! Liza, take a picture!" she said sarcastically. I elbowed her, ignoring the "Hey!" and asked him, "Do you sign?"

"Not American Sign Language. I'm Otori Kyoya, by the way." He extended a hand to shake, first to me and then to Kate. She took it, shook it, and grinned. I winced in anticipation of what would follow.

"Nice to meet you. *as sarcastically as possible* Did your parents really name you Otori?"

"Well, no. In Japan, we introduce ourselves with our last names first."

"Great. That makes me Griffin, Kate."

"Ah. Then you must be Liza," he replied, turning towards me. I was suspicious.

"How do you know that?"

"The school provided us files," he answered easily. I eyed his smile- it seemed to be screaming, not as trustworthy as he looks! Stay away! Far away!

I got the feeling this guy was a lot more than polite, and not all of it was good.

Kate interrupted. "Then why do we have to fill out paperwork?"

Leaving Kyoya ('I guess that's his name') to deal with her, I turned back to the group. At my glance, the brunette stepped in and waved cheerily with one hand, but I could tell the other hand was making forceful gestures to the other boys to do the same.

As they all came in, the brunette in the lead, Kate broke off her conversation with Kyoya and signed, "Transvestite?"

I eyed the brunette. He (she?) had a roundish, cute face and delicate cheekbones with soft big eyes. Her jacket (definitely a her) was a little tighter over the chest's than the others'. I signed back to Kate, "Do you think they know?"

She shrugged. By now, the brunette had gotten to the counter, and I promptly climbed off. 'Wow, she's even shorter than me.'

She held out her hand. "Hi, I'm Fujioka Haruhi."

I shook her hand, answering with, "I guess I'm Griffin, Liza."

Her eyes twinkled a little. "Nice to meet you."

Kate interjected (again). "Great, now we've introduced ourselves to two of you. I'm sure you know who we are by now. Why don't the rest of you give us your names so we can leave the whole Griffin-Liza-Kate thing behind?"

The shortest, a little blonde boy who looked like he was about 8, stepped forward, shadowed by a tall dark and stonily silent guy who towered over him. "Hi! I'm Haninozuka Mitsukuni, but everyone calls me Honi!" I smiled. He was so adorable!

The older boy tipped his head and grunted, "Haninozuka Takashi. Mori."

Kate signed, "He reminds me of Leon."***** I tried not to snicker.

The tall and extravagant blonde with unearthly purple eyes (L: 'Are those contacts?' K: 'They look like snake eyes') bowed over Kate's hand, being closer to her. "And I, King of the Ouran High School Host Club, Suou Tamaki, am pleased to welcome you to Japan, princess. I have never seen such beauty before, and I hope you'll use my first name- Tamaki, when addressing me with fondness. I hope you are not overwhelmed by such beauty and elegance- it must be a new sight for you Americans."

Kate's eye twitched. I made sure I was out of the danger zone for the imminent explosion.

**Kate's POV**

I don't know who this pompous arrogant little blonde thought he was, but if I didn't have to take this crap back home there was no way in hell I was taking it here. "Now listen to me you little cockroach, I have no need to put up with a smug, arrogant, little asshat! If you ever call me princess again I will make you feel my pain, which will be a very scarring experience for you and a very fun one for me." With every word I spoke, red arrows plunged into his body, making him jerk backwards.

Once I stopped ranting, he crawled into a corner that immediately went dark as mushrooms appeared in the floor. I blinked, twice. Turning, I said in the calmest voice I could manage, "Please tell me someone else saw THAT."

**Liza's POV**

"What- what was that?" I gulped.

Kyoya looked bored. "He does that often. Don't mind him."

Kate butted in, "But, the arrows! And… the magic mushrooms!"

Then, looking at her, I remembered what she had just done. While it had been amusing, and that guy had definitely deserved it, we had to go to school with these people! "I'm sorry for my sister," I apologized, shooting her a glare. She tried to look innocent and failed epically.

"Don't worry about it." The two voices came from the only two boys that hadn't introduced themselves- identical red-haired twins. The two slunk toward us, one sliding up next to Kate and the other bending over my hand. "We're Hikaru and Kaoru," they said in unison yet again.

"Which one is which?" Kate asked. The one next to her said, "I'm Kaoru-" "-and I'm Hikaru," said the redhead beside me.

"Guys, don't be mean. The one by you *looking at me* is Kaoru, and the other is Hikaru." Haruhi corrected them.

"Aw, man. You got us again!" they smiled.

I noticed Kate intently looking at their facial structures in turn, and I did the same. We smirked and said at the same time, "Got it."

They turned in surprise. "Really?" "I bet you don't!"

Caps appeared out of nowhere as they covered the different parts in their hair. "Now, let's play the Which-One-Is-Hikaru game!"

With that, they spun around in a circle, switching places back and forth, finally stopping and assuming identical poses. "Tada! Now, which one is which?"

I raised an eyebrow. "Do they do this a lot?"

"You have no idea," Haruhi sighed.

Kate and I stood up and walked over. We inspected their faces and then pointed together at the twin on the left. "That one's Hikaru," Kate announced.

Haruhi smiled in surprise. "You got it!"

The twins' jaws dropped. "How'd you do that?"

Kate answered, "You might look similar, but there are slight differences that are obvious to us."

"Wow!" Tamaki bounded out of his corner to say, "Only Haruhi's ever been able to do that!" Without looking, Kate shot out her foot and kicked him back to his corner.

Kaoru and Hikaru's jaws dropped- again. They were going to catch bugs at this rate. "How'd you do that?"

Kyoya glanced at his watch and interrupted, "That will have to be another story for another time. We have to go. Here are the forms you need; they're very clear. I'm sure you will be able to fill them out on your own. We will see you in school on Monday."

And with that, he herded the whole lot firmly out the door.

******* Leon is awesome! For those of you who don't know who he is, look at Kingdom hearts Manga or Video Games or even youtube! Sheesh educate yourselves.**

**Author's Note-**

**Kate- Well I'm going to bed its past midnight see you in 5 hours. Kairi go to the attic with the others.**

**Liza- Kicked out! Ouch. I guess I'll just go watch Ouran in my room, then.**

**Kate- Oh dear. I got her addicted to something again. WHY DO I NEVER LEARN! **

**Liza- You should all be grateful, though. Otherwise this fanfic would never have been born ;) see you later!**


	3. Uniform Disaster

_**Kate + Liza = Disaster For Ouran-Chapter 3- Uniform Disaster**_

_**Legend**_

"Japanese"

"_English"_

'Thoughts'

*other random gestures, NOT spoken*

**Haruhi's POV**

Kyoya pushed us through the front hall and out the front door, ignoring the maids' fluttering.

"Hey! Why do we have to go?" "Yeah, they were pretty cool- but not as cool as you, Haruhi," Hikaru and Kaoru chimed with little smirks.

Blue lines of annoyance appeared on my forehead as Tamaki went into a fit.

"Cut that out, you two," I snapped.

"Mommy! Why were they so immune to my charms? And why are the twins so SHADY?"

Kyoya sighed and pushed his glasses up his nose. "I would assume that it has something to do with them being Americans. They may not speak Japanese very well. And I am ignoring your second question."

Tamaki slammed his fist in his palm. "That's it! All right, men, Operation: Impress the Americans is underway!"

"But, boss, we won't see them again until Monday," the twins reminded him.

Tamaki deflated visibly, then brightened again. "All right, then! Operation: Impress the Americans is underway- starting Monday!" I groaned; I had the feeling this was going to suck, but no matter how bad it would be for me, it would be 10 times worse for the poor 'Americans'.

**Time Jump-Sunday afternoon-Page Break-Kate's POV **

We had just arrived at Ouran. It was huge, and that was saying something. The high school we attended in the States was four stories and covered an acre! Ouran was even bigger. The building was very extravagant, and the windows were ridiculous- I personally hated windows unless it was pouring. We had a meeting with the chairman. 'Wasn't that the same thing as a principal?'

Liza opened the door to his office and I followed her in. It was very large and showy; I had the feeling that this room was mainly used for intimidation. He was seated at the large polished wood desk. He looked up from the papers in front of him "Ah, girls, how are you doing? Welcome to Ouran. Now we received your paperwork, so all that's left is the uniforms. I took the liberty of having two brought up; we will just make sure they fit and are comfortable." As he spoke two maids came in proudly displaying what could only be described as monstrosities. We eyed them in shocked silence. (K: I wanted to describe them but no words can convey my horror) Then Liza spoke up.

"Um, no. I don't do dresses." I could tell that was the most tactful she could be- which is saying something, cause she's usually really good about that kind of thing.

"I do dresses but I do more sundresses, cocktail… but I do NOT do yellow or pink….."

"The word you are looking for is poufy." Liza said, filling my gap. I'd actually been thinking something stronger, but that worked.

"I'm sorry, but these are the uniforms we have," the chairman said obstinately. I looked at Liza pleadingly.

"Well, I'm afraid those simply won't do, and I'd hate to have to mention our dissatisfaction to our parents at so early a stage in our new lives here," she hinted delicately. The chairman wiped his suddenly perspiring forehead with a handkerchief and I hid my grin. No one is better at veiled threats than Liza- I prefer blunt threats myself, but to each her own.

My eyes lit up once I remembered what the boys had been wearing when we had met them- serviceable blue jacket over a pressed white shirt, black slacks, and shiny black dress shoes. "May we see the boy's uniforms? In our sizes, if at all possible." Who says an old dog can't learn new tricks?

The chairman gave a curt nod to the maids, who scuttled out of the room and soon returned with the requested uniforms.

Liza and I exchanged looks, and we nodded. "We'd like those, please."

The chairman started to object, but Liza met his eye with her 'Is there a problem? Because there'd better not be' face. Wisely, he gave in.

"Very well."

We turned to leave, but he had a request for us. "Wait. I have a favor to ask of you young ladies, if that won't make you too unhappy." He stressed the last few words.

I glanced at Liza. She knew when to give in- after all, if we pushed him too hard, he'd talk to our parents himself and find out we were bluffing. She nodded. "Of course. What would this favor be?"

"You met the boys from the Ouran Host Club yesterday, correct?"

"Yes, and- Wait a minute. What did you say they're from?" Liza looked a little flabbergasted. I frowned. What had he said?

Ok, confession time. I don't speak Japanese that well. After all, Liza was the one who had hit the books fourteen hours a day for two weeks. I knew enough to get by, and I figured I could count on her for the rest.

"What did he say?" I signed.

She signed back, "Later." I huffed angrily. This didn't bother her as much as I'd hoped for.

"They're the members of our Host Club, here on campus. It's actually a request about their group that I have."

"I- I see. What is it?" She sounded nervous. What the heck were they talking about?

"I would like to request that you and your sister keep an eye on them."

"And this would entail…?"

"Just go to the meetings and see what they're up to. You will then report to me."

Liza grimaced, but nodded- and we left, new uniforms in tow.

"Okay, do I even want to know?" I demanded once we headed back to the estate. She shook her head soundlessly. I had the feeling tomorrow was going to be very strange, but I let it go. Right now I was more interested in planning on how I was going to be changing my new uniform.

An hour later, I was quite pleased with my outcome. A black tank top instead of the white shirt, the tie stayed, the shoulder pads and emblem were removed from the jacket, the black slacks were fine, and the dress shoes were gone- replaced by stilettos, bright gold in fact. My regular jewelry remained on though; I felt naked without it.

Liza came in to show me hers. She had decided her Kingdom Hearts T-shirt, colored bright blue and red, would go better with her jacket, which had also had the shoulder pads removed. She had left the school's crest, however. I raised an eyebrow. _"In case we get lost. I don't know how to ask 'Can you please tell us lost foreigners how to get to Ouran Academy?' in Japanese."_

Her slacks had been loosened and the waist changed so that they looked comfy and worn-out. She'd also added an additional four pockets. _"What? I have lots of stuff to carry around_," she defended herself.

Then she looked at mine and tried not to laugh. I was offended. _"Did I judge yours? I did not!"_

"_Yeah, but- those shoes? "_

"_If we are stuck in one class all day, except lunch, then it won't matter if I wear obnoxious heels. Besides, you have flip-flops." _

"_Well, yeah, but these are comfy!"_

"_Agree to disagree?"_ She nodded looking very amused.

"_We are not going to blend well," _was her only comment as she left. Great, I needed sleep. Artistic vision takes a lot out of a girl, and we had school tomorrow.

_**Authors Note-**_

**Kate: **Chapter 3 completed! *happy dance*

**Liza:** Oh no, not that again. Well, come back soon- our disastrous school day isn't something you'll want to miss. *ducks energetic flailing from Kate's happy dance* Run, while you can! I'll tame her and it'll be safe then.

**Kate:** I will not be tamed! For my Kingdom Games readers they have NOT been released. Now go little freed announcer.

**Announcer**: *blinks* AHHHHhhhhhh…..

*Kate cries as another one runs away*

**Haruhi:** Oh, give me that. Next time Liza and Kate attend their new school and Kate breaks a few things at her discovery of the Host Club.


End file.
